Joshua

Joshua, a name that reminds me of a crazy guy I used to know in my junior high. He is also known as Triple J. His full name is Joshua Jayes Jasani. He used to hang out with Cho Ming and his kurang ajar friends. I got to know him better in form 4. I realised he also knows Akil Hassan. I still recall once I asked him, “hey, you know Akil Hassan?”. He answered, “yeah, the tough guy, right?”. I shouted, “No…………you got the wrong guy.” Somehow this name Joshua reminds me of a lot of things I do last time and it connects me to the days I used to sit next to Akil before he went to private school. Now, I wonder every moment in my life, maybe I should not have gone to MRSM at all, I missed out a lot of things in my life. I met an incident that changed my life and guess what, I confronted the situation and I never gave up. 2008 came and the whole thing comes collapsing down and it made me look so stupid in front of all my friends. I shouldn’t have gone to MRSM. I shouldn’t have.

To my dear friends,

What do you really want in life? Study until you bring all your grades to your grave, flirting around until you realised you hurt yourself the most, playing computer games until your kid is crying for food, or do you want to have a piece of mind? I just got this new idea of working hard. I quote this from my uncle, “if you cannot imagine what you want, you can never work hard for it.” I think what he said is true. We all need to realise what can we achieve in life. I am not sure graduating in M’sia provide a financially stable career.

Something that I realised from a close friend of mine is he don’t really knows what is his main priority and that really is going to cost him big if he doesn’t realise he has to improve a lot on that. Sometimes, he can miss an event that he signed up for and do something else which I consider not so important. There are a lot of things that he’ve done that I personally feel is not right. I don’t know maybe you are used to this but I tell you, when you graduate, when you work or when you are a family leader, you have to know what is most important and do it first.

To Mr. T is going Hong Kong by this weekend whom I pray for safety,

Sometimes I think to myself, is it stupid to think that love is going to last forever? Is it stupid to still want to be with someone that dumped you? Is it stupid to miss your ex and the she is only thing that ran through your mind when you thought you are going to die? Is it stupid if you could not let go of the past and always wished things could go back to the way it was before? Is it stupid to commit into a relationship when your so called “girl/boyfriend” is flirting with somoone else? Is it stupid if you gave up one of your biggest dream to be with someone but it wasn’t enough? Can you give me an answer, Mr. T? Never mind, it’s worth everything. Sometimes things like this creep into my mind as I thought of one of the ex-couple in my school. Honestly, I have no idea that guy is going to be like that. I was shocked and totaly surprised. Well, many of us think that sometimes life is so damn unfair.

Datuk K, my crazy room-mate from MRSM

A tribute to a Liverpool fan and fantastic footballer from MRSM,

Muhammad Khaleeq

an ultimate gatal gigolo from Amsterdam that thinks Aruna and Ayu are beautiful and offered me an assistant post in his branch in Las Vegas.

I always find making friends in UTAR very difficult. Some of them don’t see things the way I see, some don’t agree on how I do my stuff, some just don’t consider me as a stranger, keeping secrets away and don’t realise how much I would commit to be their friend. I want to go back to the moment I was in form 4 and I believe agreeing to move to MRSM is the choice that changed my life. Akil, Kathir, Eujin, monkey boy, Zoo, KenV, Law and my other friends, sorry that I couldn’t follow you guys out for mamak or anything that requires money last year. I had other commitments, I hope you guys understand. Thank you for sticking with me after 7 years. You were there when I left, right, Joshua?

p/s :: she had a crush on him too.

Eliminated,

HAnJuN

What’s wrong with that

Something bothered me today, is the fact my kemuning team captain had an argument with my coach and I really got stuck in the middle. I never thought my coach will say things like that. I actually don’t know what wrong between them. I find what my coach says quite logical and what my captain is not wrong too. Haihz, really made me upset. I really don’t want to be in the middle of this.

Well, I have a message for H today, which is, make your choice a good choice. I tell you, distance will be a considering factor and it will change a lot of things. Therefore, I think you should talk to G and straighten it out. If she cannot take the distance, then I think you should not waste both you people’s time, energy and money. I used to think distance wil change my heart but thank God, nothing like that happened. Sometimes in life, you have to take a chance, if you think it’s worth, maybe you can do it. Life always brings you to places you’ll never thought you’ll never get, makes you do things you never thought you can do or just maybe let you find love in places you think it never exist. Just don’t dissapoint her, if she do that to you, at least you know you loved her with all your heart and that itself is very good.

I realised I always think about the past when I walk along the Jalan Genting Klang. Sometimes, my friend saw me and called my name but I didn’t hear them. I normally think deep when I walk on that road. Weird, I know but normally it seems like the only thing I do. Think deep and wonder where I screwed up. Chris is urging me but he knows something leaving is not the worst thing. Honestly, among a lot of my friends that look like wanted serial rapist, Chris is the most honest one. I tell him my story and he tells me his. I always find making friends easier and trusting people that speaks english to me. I don’t know, it’s not about race or religion, just the language.

Darwin is one of the least populated cities in Australia. It is located in the northern territory. It faced a complete destruction when cyclone tracy hit. It has a popuation of only 11000 people. It is named after one of the famed British naturalist, Charles Robert Darwin, by the founder, which was charles former shipmate. The cheapest way to travel there has to be by Tiger airways from S’pore straight to Darwin.

Malaysia’s Lee Chong Wei is into the finals and I hope something good happens. We have been waiting for a gold medal for a long long time. Tomorrow, KBRA will hold it’s annual futsal tournament. This year, I’m paired with Jin, Jumper and Ferdi. Gosh, I don’t know can win or not. I remember the last time when I used to date, people always look at us and give us the stare. Well, she was even asked about me by some stupid old Indian guy which really pissed me off. A lot of things in Malaysia, you do and you’ll be judged. Stupid rules and crazy reinforcement. What’s wrong with this world?

Malaysia F4

P/s :: Happy Birthday, yuki. You are a good person, I hope everything your heart desires will come to you.

Damn tired everyday,

hjt

Ocean

Something funny I heard today was G is showing her demand for H and she made it quite public. Only a few of us really understood and she kinda offered anything for H during his b’day. I know what kind of person H can be in some indecent moment. He is gonna get himself laid I think. Guess what, G said she wants H as a b’day gift. Someone is getting really very lucky. This is a head cracking decision that H is considering right now. At least, it is a good headache.

I have been listening to Simple Plan again. I used to listen to them when I was 13 years old. I like “perfect” personally. Besides, I love listening to Michael Bublé. I like his “come fly with me”, “You’ll never find another love like me”, “Quando, quando, quando” and “save the last dance for me”. I think I said before that I got my jazz loving genes from my mum. She always wanted to continue learning the sax but saved up money for us. I hope one day when I got the money, I send her to learn saxophone again.

I went to McD today with H and M again and again M ordered chocolate sundae. Hey M, I think I saw our brown eye girl today in canteen. Damn, she’s hot. Hot like super hot chocolate. I don’t usually do this, but this girl is really pretty. It made me turn my head to look at her face 2 times. Well, it was last semester. I don’t think much of it now.

I don’t really have much to write for this week as exam draws closer and I spent most of my time drowning in text books and falling asleep. So, please don’t expect me to write much this time. I have no much time to sit down and think about my life and put it in words. Life seems very boring now. Kat is back and somehow he always spices up my life and I look forward to see him this weekend. My ulcer hurts like crap and it took me a few days of bonjela but it has no effect til now. Something big is bound to happen, I give you a clue, the next thing I do most likely fulfil my destiny as “like father like son”. Take a guess. You’ll never know, maybe the answer lies an ocean away.

“No one cares, No one likes to share, I guess life’s unfair”

P/S :: Thanks, mr. Foong. All the best and I hope to see you one day.

weird how life turned out for me,

HJ Tan

The Edge

China opened the olympic games yesterday and the fireworks was great. I heard they spent around USD300 million. I believe since we chinese invented fireworks, means we have to do more than others, right? I read across some article saying that Chinese actually intiate the renaissance era in Italy when they brought new scientific findings and invention to Europeans. I hope Malaysia can win at least a gold medal in this year’s tournament.

I had tough times falling asleep in Setapak here. For example, there is a power cut in the middle of the night. I sweat my ass until I woke up. I think I will be leaving this place by next year, I want to go home. I want to feel at home and spend more time with my friends and family. I really understand the feeling of home since leaving there.

One of my kemuning boys is dating one of the malaysian young actress. I am not sure is he lying or not. He changed 3 new girlfriends in 2 months. Everytime we ask him, “how’s your gf?”, he answered, “oh, broke up.” I said, “I am sorry to hear that,” and before I even finished my word, he said, “got new one already.” WHAT THE HELL? I really don’t understand him but I respect his decision. Something else that caught my attention yesterday was the fact M is still hanging out with O when I heard she already has a boyfriend. It is not a bad thing. It is just that for me, if someone has interest in a particular person, and if the person already has someone, I think it’s time to back off a little. I am not trying to say break off any friendship but just back off a little. Have you thought of it, if one day he or she has a problem with their partner, will you be helping them or helping yourself? I hope this can catch everybody’s attention.

I watched the collection of Batman movies over the week, gosh, poison ivy and catwoman is really very kinky. It really got me saying “wow”, well at least not out loud. I also found out the gotham city in all the old movies really sucked big time. I wish the new batman movie can have catwoman and poison ivy and they both fight for batman’s love. What a good crap that will be.

I found out H is also have something in his mind. Almost same as me I think. He really want to go to Japan to study. I think he really would love to visit that place. There are a few things running in my mind. I never regretted my actions of not leaving here at the beginning. Most of my pals say I am stupid for giving up something good for my future for something that seemed like a big damn lie now. Well, I don’t regret.

Hantu Apek Cina

Nothing’s gonna change
The things that you said
Nothing’s gonna make this
Right again
Please don’t turn your back
I can’t believe it’s hard
Just to talk to you
But you don’t understand

‘Cuz we lost it all
Nothing lasts forever
I’m sorry
I can’t be Perfect
Now it’s just too late
And we can’t go back
I’m sorry
I can’t be Perfect

I need to work hard, I mean super hard for this final exam. I am standing on what they say, an edge of a new life. I hope if I fall, someone will be there to catch me.

P/s :: sayang-sayang.

Spread my wings and fly,

TanHJ

Music Station 9

These Foolish Things, one of the famous jazz songs, sang by Nat King Cole here.

A cigarette that bares a lipstick’s traces
An airline ticket to romantic places
And still my heart has wings
These foolish things remind me of you.
A tinkling piano in the next apartment
Those stumblin’ words that told you what my heart meant
A fairground’s painted swings
These foolish things
Remind me of you.
You came,
You saw,
You conquered me
When you did that to me
I knew somehow this had to be
The winds of march that made my heart a dancer
A telephone that rings but who’s to answer
Oh, how the ghost of you clings
These foolish things
Remind me of you
First daffodils
And long excited cables
And candle lights
A little corner table
And still my heart has wings
These foolish things remind me of you
The park at evening
When the bell has sounded
The pier in France
With all the gulls around it
The beauty that is spring
These foolish things
Remind me of you
How strange,
How sweet,
To find you still,
These things are dear to me
They seem to bring you near to me
The sigh of midnight trains
At empty stations
Silk stockings thrown aside
Dance invitations
Oh how the ghost of you clings
These foolish things
Remind me of you
Gardenia perfume
Lingering on a pillow
Wild strawberries
Only seven francs a kilo
And still my heart has wings,
These foolish things,
Remind me of you
The smile of garbo
And the scent of roses
The waiters whistling
As the last bar closes
The song that crosby sings
These foolish things
Remind me of you
How strange
How sweet
To find you still
These things are dear to me
They seem to bring you near to me
The scent of smoldering leaves
The wail of steamers
Two lovers on the street
Who walk like dreamers
Oh how the ghost of you clings
These foolish things
Remind me of you.

Breathing

Salam Sejahtera,

I found out that Solid Mechanics is the only subject that makes me wonder off in class due having no chance to write anything, unlike math. Math always require us to note down some important stuffs. Not only that, we always have no notes in class thanks to my “handsome” class representative. It’s maybe the frequency of Dr. Koasay’s voice. It makes me doze off. Speaking about class representative. Lai went to interview today and I hope all the best to him. By the way, thanks smartHO for the drive.

Something really happy happened to me. You guys have no idea how great it was yesterday just to hear akil’s voice. He is doing great in Melbourne now. We all in M’sia miss him a lot. He told me that he will be back on 22th September. I cannot wait to see him. I hope he is doing good always. Akil is one of my best friends since junior high. He taught me music, lifehouse, girls and a lot about life. Akil is now living in Melbourne with his sisters. I hope I can pay him a visit by this end of the year. I checked some sites and found out the cheapest way to reach Melbourne is to fly Airasia to Perth and then take JetStar to Melbourne. It only cost RM 1400 without tax but it causes much hustle and very troublesome. Another alternative is to fly direct to Melbourne but it cost RM3500 with tax. I think my father is gonna kill me if I tell him this.

Akil Hassan Kalimullah

I spent most of my time sitting in the study room, staring, dreaming and wondering into the distant future. Sometimes I thought to myself whether I still have a future in UTAR? Actually, most of the time I use is to annoy WCB also known as Master Wong Khien Ping (the jedi master of Civil Engineering Y1S2). If you take a closer look, you will realise when he is being serious, he really damn serious, not even a super hot chick and take his attention away which is a total contrary to Lai, the most dirty minded loser in UTAR. If you can see him posting a comment saying he is not, means he is agreeing to me indirectly.

I have spent my evening in Times Square. My leg is soaked wet and I have a shoe to dry and some clothes to wash by tonight. Although it hurts, I hope that I can still continue breathing.

P/s :: a weekend that will change my life forever literally.

Who else so stupid,

HANjun

May

Hey buddies,

Funny how I came out with this title though, H is sitting next to me when I’m writing this. I have to explain to him of course to clear up any misunderstanding. If you are looking closer into my posts’ title over this few months, you will see my pattern. I think Akil and maybe Kat know the pattern. Anyway, I have been busy last night attending KenV’s farewell dinner and went over to his place. We talked about our past in high schools and some crazy teachers. The dinner was super expensive, no thanks to Jintik for no paying for us. I will be busy again next few days as assignments, reports and tutorials will be kicking in my body for another blood sucking weekend. I went to watch the mummy in KLCC with H. The movie was great. What really caught my attention was the fact they came to China to dick up some mummy, it’s funny. Imagine what’s next, mummy in India, excavating in Taj Mahal. Don’t get me wrong, Taj Mahal and some tourist attraction in India is super beautiful. Do you know Taj Mahal is a love symbol from Mughal Emperor Shah Jahan in memory of his favorite wife, Mumtaz Mahal? It’s quite touching and so damn cool.

the taj mahal

Speaking about love, I am dying to watch this movie “forgetting Sarah Marshall”. It’s romantic comedy about being dumped and taing it like a man. I heard it’s funny. I always try to relate fiction into my life and I find it very interesting. Well, life sometimes brings you to places you will never know. Jintik told me about him leaving to San Jose, California in 5 weeks time and he plans to split up with his girl (i know, it’s hard to believe). Anyway, he told me he doesn’t believe in LDR (long distance relationship). I told him, distance is love’s greatest challenge and if he can stick with her (he is in US and she will be in aussie) for years, then she will be the one. I always thought of it lke that and I hope people will feel the same too. LDR will start to crack if either one of it’s member cannot resist loneliness and temptations, it will lead to losing of that “special” feeling and you know what happens next. Sometimes, love itself will push you to do things you never thought you can, I never know I can eat lunch for rm 1.50. Do you know what most of people want to know before they die? They want to know how many person still love them, not how much they earn, not how much they got for their exams, not how much goals they scored. Love is the only thing in the world that makes most people feel that everything is gonna be alright. Trust me.

Sometimes love and life makes me think and think over again. Sitting in an empty midnight commute, wondering into rows of street lights, lying on groud staring into the blinking stars above or maybe just listening to jazz music while driving across the city centre. I enjoy some private moments in life. It got me thinking about a friend of mine, M. M is good guy but sometimes he also needs help. I see him daily with a smile on his face soemtimes but deep down you can feel he needs some listener too. I also wished I have the chance to listen to his problem and I know he doesn’t want to talk about it much. My advice is sometimes life is moving on from something good to somehing better. If you keep on walking into the woods, you’ll never know what’s ahead. I know it’s hard but there are somethings that you can never look back anymore. Dr. told me about a girl he admires last time and now he saw her so happy with a BF on her blog. I asked him, do you want her to be happy? He said yes. I told him, if you love her, let her go.

May is the fifth month of a year. It can be a name of a girl. It reminds me of my friend, H. Lifehouse’s May. Listen to it.

p/s :: the road not taken. I hope you, my friend, can move on too.

Moving on (maybe),

TanHanJun

Sick Cycle Carousel

Hello there, angles from my nightmare,

I was just talking to zhi hong, one of my friends. I was talking about some old songs, not very old but songs from year 2003. I remembered songs like ‘19-2000′ from Gorillaz, ‘rock your body’ from Justin Timberlake, ’story of a girl’ by 9 days and so much more. I always thought of that situation I am first heard that song. For example, I always think of the fifa world cup 2002 when I hear ‘boom’ from anastasia and also my first ever camp fire night. I remembered the my first ever camp fire night, it was at Victoria Institute and my second one is in La Salle High. Songs like ‘youth of our nation’ by POD. I have a lot of nice experience and bad one too.

I just got myself a macbook. Man, I love it. I am addicted to it. I will post a picture of me using it. Don’t be jealous, Rongy. She thinks my uncle bought me the ticket to chelsea’s game and also the macbook. I am a big chelsea fan, do you know? I have been a fan of Chelsea Football Club since 2002 and it was the Zola year. I watched him played and he was great. It was a week later when Abromovich came over. From then, I was a bigger fan. I was there when they first came Malaysia and now I was there again. I used to watch very Chelsea game and remembering every goal scored and scorer. Ask my father and he knows I am a big fan. I hope my future wife would be supportive about me with football.

My Collection

I found a new hobby, I love singing. Singing to myself and screaming out loud. I like to sing out loud in my room, that’s why I really wanted to move back to Shah Alam next year and I miss football. I need to exercise a lot plus the new appetite in me now resulting me eating too much. I think my stamina reduced much since moving to setapak.

Kung Fu Panda

I have a boring afternoon. I rewatched “kung fu panda” and find it as funny as I watch the first time. There is no price for awesomeness and attractiveness. I saw a romance movie and I saw a adult carousel in Paris which caught my attention. When I was a kid, I always wanted to sit on it. I wish both of us can be on that sick cycle carousel.

Sick Cycle Carousel

P/s :: 4 more weeks to finals exam, I am gonna die.

Blind,

Charlie (My pen name, anilip gave me that name)

Take a Picture

Good morning,

I am actually missing my dynamics tutorial to post this up. I did not finish my tutorials therefore I find it pointless to go to class. I just came back from my uncle’s place. His new place is great. I moved the mattress and some furniture with him. We even had a nice dinner over at Le Meridien’s the latest recipe. I lovesd their seafood spagetti and Indian food. This time I did not see the beautiful ms. waffle. The dinner was great.

Did you know that I was there when Chelsea played against Malaysia. It was the greatest night I had as a football fan. First time seeing JT, Michael, Lamps, Deco, Sheva, Joe and Ash up close. The journey was bumper to bumper along the way. The federal was stuck up as if there is an evacuation. Nicholas Anelka and Ashley Cole scored. The thing that really caught my attention was most of Malaysian are supporting Chelsea and most of the Caucasian are supporting Malaysia. It’s so ironic. I saw a bunch of them actually chanting, ” We hate chelsea and we love Malaysia… ” Wow, coming to M’sia really brainwashed them. I think it’s the weather spoiled their brain cell.

Stuck in Shah Alam

Come On, Chelsea!

My Tickets

Chelsea in Shah Alam Stadium

Chelsea in Malaysia and I was there

Honeslty, I would trade every small happiness I have in this world for eternal happiness. Do you know what I mean by eternal happiness? It means knowing people still love you a lot. Sometimes in boring afternoons, especially in solid mechanics classes, I am so lost, so lost thinking about the past and so lost thinking about the future. I found out people cannot feel sadness of others when they are too happy. What would you feel if you are cheated, betrayed and left to die? My life is always full of story, come take a picture for me.

“Can everyone agree that no one should be left alone?”

I am still the 16 year old boy,

Tan Han Jun