As hard as it for me to believe, we’re going to part really soon. Think about it, we’re on our final week in Adelaide, at least for most of us. I didn’t really notice until Ihsan said goodbye to our coach at the end of last night’s game. For the record, I scored 5. A chill ran down my throat as I realised we would hardly see each other again through out this summer. This summer break I meant. It would be a long and of course, desperately needed break especially for engineering students. Some of us will be enjoying their holidays back home but some of us will be working during this break. I will be working, provided I pass my fitness and medical test. Please, please, please let me get what I want. Oh, the smiths and (500) days of summer. Speaking about summer, the weather in Adelaide has been insanely crazy, with weather scorching up to 42 C on the thursday and a drop to 22C on the saturday. Cannot get any weirder than that.
To be honest, I’m not really happy with where I am right now. Knowing my capability and my personality, I know I can be somewhere better. I sometimes just hate being where I am. Not physically but mental state, I hate being at the wrong place with the wrong kind of people. The worst part of it, I can’t do anything having knowing better. People say ignorant is bliss, I guess so. I mean, by not having to know any better, you don’t have to be better. When I was in Melbourne, when I saw Akil, I see myself being in that place. Maybe it’s just holiday goggles, maybe I’m just used to the people I love. In my life, I cannot really understand things happening around me. My father thinks I’m too choosy and picky about my own life but I find it so difficult to find someone that can see the world the way I do. Most of the time, I can only agree to disagree with those around me. That’s really sad when I’m all alone down under. I don’t see the yesteryears in me right now, I guess coming here makes me realised how different life could be and how if I work hard, I can definitely pull myself out here. Like I said, I hate it here, not Adelaide or Australia in particular. It’s just the emotional and mentally situation I am in like right now.
If you don’t understand what I wrote up there, basically I’m writing about the physical presence of those around me. Speaking about friends, I do get how important friends are in life. Let’s just say I don’t have much friends. Just here and there, I met some that changed my life and how sometimes I think I owe my life to them. During the months after the mining disaster, I used to call Kathir for help and I’m sure he has no idea how much his voice helped me through those dark times. Akil was always there although he wasn’t actually here. Without msn or any form of internet access, I sometimes find it hard to believe we’re still in contact after so many years of being in a different place, different social lifestyle and literally different world. Female friends, not really a lot. I’m not really good with girls actually. There are only a handful and trust me, I love them very much. However, in college, I met a group of different friends. You see, I was born and bred in Subang Jaya yet I have my fairshare of enjoying the lower standard but simplier of lifestyles in boarding school. In college, I cannot imagine seeing people living with such a poor mentality. I’m not ashamed to admit that most of my people live with a poor and unhealthy lifestyle and mentality. They might be rich financial wise but when it comes to people skills, they judge. They always judge. I’m not sure about subang people but there was a time when the people around me were so nice. I never really notice until I met douchebangs, scumbags and wussbags.
Now, I hardly see any of my mates from college contacting me. Throughout the times we’re friends, some of the stuff you said were really hurtful. Although I don’t want to hold this above my head and end all my relationships with those friends back home, but I think I need to say it out. I’m not trying to say that I’m so influential and really stood up in their life but I sometimes get disappointed with the way we never catch up. Maybe Kathir’s right, you cannot expect people to treat you the way you treat them. I just feel a bit gutted by empty promises and failure to live up to their names. It’s sad really that I have to start crossing out names. If you guys don’t have the space and time in your life to include me, I guess I have to move on too.
Geetha's Birthday. Guess who sent the card?
post – script: how can you judge someone by the colour of their skin? It’s really sad when you don’t see beauty in being different.
Colorblind,
h-a-n-j-u-n
