Stand

It’s been raining for the 10th day in a row and my shoes are wet again. I think the weather is so bad but wait till you see the ones in Australia. I saw the weather on the tube and it is freaking cold there. I’m stuck in my room, nothing to do but to blog. The boredom made me think much lately, I always wonder why I have tough times saying I am happy. Honestly, everytimeI hang out with my junior high friends, I felt something great in myself but everytimeI hang around my senior high friends, I got so sad, not because of them but that place reminds me of a painful past. A pain that couldn’t bury no matter how hard I tried. Being with my college friends makes it worst, sometimes I don’t know am I really happy? Deep inside, I feel so empty and lost. Maybe they don’t connect to me like how Kat and my buddies back in junior high have with me. We grew up together and watched each other flying away. I guess I miss them too. Monkey boy just left M’sia last week and is in NTU now. JT is leaving in a week to Stanford.

Mr. T was in Hong Kong and spent 3 days in the airport due to very bad weather and he seems very pissed. Hahahaha. What a disastrous getaway for him. I’ve not seen him in a few days and he stinks like crap today. I was surfing through the net and actually searched for “long distance relationship” and after watching “how I met your mother” and people opinion about long distance relationship. I realised most people don’t think it will actually work out, sad enough because I always find long distance relationship a test. Most of my friend and I wonder, how do you tell the girl is “the one”? I think one of the way is, if the girl and the guy survived a long distance relationship, I think they are meant for each other. I hope people out there shouldn’t give up so fast. My parents are a good example. They survived a long distance relationship and they are happily married for 18 years. My father was in KL working while my mother was working in Penang. I respect that. Sometimes I just wonder why things didn’t work out for me. It’s not others fault but why was I convinced that she was the one? I wonder is this a blessing in disguise of a worse disaster waiting to strike me?

As I was lying on the bed, texting kat over the cell, listening to michael’s jazz, and looking onto my lifehouse wallpaper, I thought to myself, I must get a new guitar. I was thinking of a brand new electric guitar, or maybe second hand plus sets of amplifiers and speakers. I first have to convince my father as he feels that we are going to overspend over the next few years if things turn out in their ways. I was thinking of getting a second hand from my personal favourite guitarist of all time, akil hassan. The internet here at KL really sucks which made me feel like going home but my sister is controlling me as she’s the one calling dibs for internet usage which made me wonder why not 4Mb at home.

“You just walked away from the sweetest most beautiful woman a guy could want. In ten years, she never had the last slice of pizza and she’s never complained. Every election she wishes she could vote for both guys because they both seem nice. And there’s a light inside her that makes everyone else look better. And you blew her off.” – another quote from Homer Simpson

I got a nice scolding from my mother and it really made me angry but I would not like to project it out as I am following the path of Zen. I have been having terrible nightmares for 2 days and it made me sick for 2 days. Not nightmares exactly, but just sad dreams. I woke up and my a very deep pain on my chest. I think my body strength depends on the weather, cause me and my mother both are weaker as in health. She also will get sick easily depending on the weather. Me too. I wasn’t feeling that well. I guess my heart starts to hurt again. You have no idea of the pain I’m going through. Although it hurts but I know I still have to stand up and fly away of this misery.

P/s :: remember hanjun, remember what you promised her, she’s happy and that’s the only thing you want. I have to remind myself of that. Dear Dr., this is for you too.

oral me

I didn’t even looked at you cause I am so scared,

THJ

Mudpie

I heard something from one of the kemuning boys, that one idiotic team actually complaint and re-matched a game with my teammates during the annual KBRA futsal tournament when most of us are already gone. I was surprised, those people are really that desperate. Desperate enough to beat us. Screw them. It’s not like beating us is gonna bring the trophy. That small little bastard really has a problem in his skull. Chinese people really have problem, which is quite ironic cause I am a chinese myself. I do like to improve myself to improve the perception on chinese people. Chinese people are known to the world to be greedy, arrogant and stingy. I hope I am not. Don’t think we are th so called “smartest race in Mxxxxxxx” then we can be lazy and make fun of other race. See the best of other people and work hard but not forgetting the basic human values.

I just saw the promotional poster for a Jackie Chan movie “the myth”. I don’t know you guys every heard of it before but I checked on-line and found out it is quite nice and was rated not bad. I took a look at the synopsis and found it interesting. The part that really blew my mind was the fact the princess was stuck in a chamber after being forced to drink the immortality potion and she waited for the general for 2000 years. She waited for him for 2000 years and when the chamber was collapsing, she didn’t run away but insist to wait for the general. That is something man would find in a woman. A woman that can wait. Think about this, imagine yourself in a war, you left your loved ones behind. She was there and you know you have to defend your country at the front line. Will you ask her to wait for you or you tell her to find someone else that could be there for her? I thought of it, last time I thought I will ask her to wait for me but now after a few ups and downs in life, I realised I would tell her to find someone else to would be there to comfort her, take care of her and love her. No point if you are the only one being happy, maybe the days without the ones you love will come back and haunt you. She is be lonely. It will be the best if she finds someone else to love her and trust me, to see the ones you love being happy is worth any sacrifice anyone would make. The twist would be if she really waited for you to return. That is the time you would say, “she’s the one.” When a girl comes to you and tells you that she would wait for you and kept her promise. She’s the one, dude.

I don’t know why but I always think that waiting for someone who loves you is worth it. I mean, I never had the chance but it’s the thought of it makes my day keep on rolling. As said, I loved war movies because it really caught me emotionally. I think love, courage, intelligence and patience are put to test in very difficult situation. War, long distance and even just temptations. Maybe losers like me are trying to be a better man. Sometimes it’s difficult to see how much you sacrifice really pays off but I will never stop trying. I tried to be good enough for you and close enough to you. Well, I guess I am the stupid one waiting for eternity. I told Howard yesterday that please don’t talk about hot chicks with me because I know he has a girl and I think it’s very inappropriate and might hurt his girl if she finds out. I would rather see the relationship work out than seeing it crash into pieces. Love begins with a smile, endures with happiness. In the arithmetic of love, one plus one equals everything, and two minus one equals nothing. It’s just that I miss you so much.

What happed today? Chelsea got a game on a sunday night. I hate it. Why sunday night? Raj told me that we need to collect some money in order to set up a new goal post as the old one is already rusted and almost brojen in every sense. Next wednesday might see Hanjun and Kathir going to pertama complex to get new shoes. Had a great time with Kathir the other day. I heard H is getting lucky today in G’s house today. I can’t believe it but still I have too. Most of my junior high friends already left M’sia and some are going soon. I hope maybe we all can still be together. Thinking about my junior high days, I was really childish and thank God they didn’t forget me or something like that. Speaking about God, I’ve been going to some Christian Fellowship for the past month or so. Actually, I don’t like to say the word “Christian”, I rather call them “Believers”. It’s been my way of talkin about religion so I won’t get myself killed by religion radicals.

I am currently watching “how I met your mother”. In that show, I realised in that movie, long distance relationship doesn’t work at all. I am disappointed and sad. I always hold a strong believe in long distance relationship. I may not be in a relationship but I always think distance should not be a problem but yet, sometimes you always need two to tango. It’s so useless if one partner is focusing on the relationship but the other partner doing otherwise. Sometimes it just takes a small wonder which I call “realise”, you just have to realise how much others would do for you. Have to realise happiness is not when you are happy but when you see the ones you love being very happy. That is the true meaning of eternal happiness. Have you ever tasted eternal happiness? I know I haven’t, maybe one day I can have my own mudpie to enjoy.

“the wonder of it all is that you just don’t realize how much I love you.”

I really thought you would wait,

Tan Han Jun (Malaysian Chinese)

Surface

What’s the difference between stress, tension and panic?

Stress is when wife is pregnant,

Tension is when girlfriend is pregnant.

Panic is when both are pregnant.

In the wednesday afternoon, me and Kat walked around KLCC and realised a lot PP there. It makes me feel like not going there anymore. True enough for Kat, people are getting very impolite nowadays, for example, for guy stretched his leg out and almost tripped me and the only response from him is he is laughing when he saw almost falling down. Stupid ass piece of shit.

Someone I know (which this is the 1st time he appears in my blog) sometimes doesn’t realise that we really is having a tough time dealing with him. There is something he said really hurt me and I may forgive him but I will never forget what he said. That day, me, M and W have a private meeting and he suka suka hati tagged along which kinda pissed me off. M can tell I am really angry and he was smart. We eventually ditched him off and met up. I hope he realise that it is not him that I am not happy about, it’s the way he talks. I don’t like to talk to him partly due to no common intersection between us and the things he talked about doesn’t really interest me. We have different ideas, different lifestyle and different principles. I am sorry if I’ve made you uncomfortable but if he continue to doubt my sincerity and that day, I will have some personal issues with him.

I met up with datuk K also known as Khaleeq (the guy from my previous post). It seems like he is doing great now and his life in Inti Nilai. Sometimes I wish I could hang out with him more often. He looks like a rock star right now with long hair. He told me stories about the hot chinese girls in his campus. Well, it’s khaleeq, the all time pimp daddy. I want to introduce a friend, zapoh.

zapoh and me

The raining season is starting in M’sia, you can see the rain everyday, specifically 3 days in a row. I have been watching “forgetting Sarah Marshall”. It really touched me. I really understood the movie and maybe it’s time for everyone to move on too.

I went to KB’s family day and it was great. I was eating with Howard Mcdonald, Elli, Jin, Jumper and his buddy. Elli’s 10 year old sister likes to disturb us. Guess what? We even play “jadi-jadi” and also played “ice and water”. I had a great time. As I am being happy, all you see is only the surface of me, you don’t really know how I felt because I want to keep it a secret.

P/s :: what a funny night.

Save the last dance for me,

Han