You are currently browsing the monthly archive for June 2009.
Last week, while some people are still waiting for a place they can call home, instead of moving around squatters and longhouses, last year, our government bought a submarine with a bonus in a form of a Mongolian woman and send some dude to space. Nice! Yeah, you can argue that sending that dude to space was an exchange program of 18 Sukhoi jets worth 3.42 billion ringgit. I think the idiots I’ve mentioned from my last post would really understand right now. 3.42 billion ringgit worth of taxpayers’ money. He went to space as a tourist, come on, face the fact. Besides, as a proud Malaysian, he was the first man to pull a teh tarik in zero gravity. A round of applause, we should pop champagne and celebrate. That is just wonderful. Hey, why do we need 18 Russian made sukhoi? Why not British made harriers that might give us a chance to tour the Queen’s bathroom instead. There are 7000 people from Jinjang Utara had been promised low cost flats within 6 months to 2 years. And because they are living in a country that everything is possible, much alike with Adidas’s motto. It’s been 17 years. There is a clear indication that there is not enough low cost accommodation, although our government claim that low cost houses are built outside the city. Well, either this people are too fussy or they just hate living outside the city. I’ve seen the countryside low cost house, it is located in some sort of nuclear waste land where animals would die upon crossing the borders. It’s in the middle of no-where. Who the hell wants to move there? I came out with an idea, why not move all this people to Eastern Malaysia, also known as Borneo? First, we can solve the over-populated capitals across the western coast of the Malayan Peninsula. Second, with more people, Borneo can hopefully grow. Yeah, they might lose their jobs, since most of the ‘low-cost-housing-people’ have jobs back in KL or other big towns in the Malayan Peninsula. One more idea, move to Borneo, work as a border guard, shoot any Indonesian if spotted, or shoot anyone trying to kill an Orang-utan.
"Niggars will perish, the south will rise again."
Comment: Something I saw in the Gent’s, apparently, some people are still upset about the outcome of the American Civil War.
Then, again, another weird yet not surprising news popped out of no where, is the recent article from one of our local newspaper. It reads, “Driver having sex after last stop“. Awesome, just awesome. Here I thought Malaysians cannot be freaky enough. A real life Barney Stinson in my community. I salute you. Apparently, what he does, is seduce some ladies, including school girls and brought them over the bus to have some intimate moments. What happens after this is totally up to your imagination. This is an exact replica of what Barney Stinson from “How I met your mother” did to Ted’s moving truck. That time, I was thinking, who the hell does that? Now, the question has been answered. According to the newspaper, he actually convinced these ladies that it’s not just a one-night stand and he was looking for commitment, marry them and bla-bla-bla. I see a Barney inside this brave and dumb dude. The best part is, this dude is from Subang Jaya, no wonder his tricks can work. Unlucky for him, he was arrested last night, I think. For you people that doesn’t believe this story that I’ve posted, believe it. I’m not making this up.
post – script : Nick and Norah’s infinite playlist was awesome. Watch it!
Your musical soulmate,
hANjUN
I woke up to a thought that I am not sure what should I be worried more. One, Malaysians have been owing our national sewerage company 650million ringgit for the past year. For you dumb people, the same dumb people that don’t understand soccer and make fun of it to make you look smart, it’s 650,000,000 ringgit. In fact, 22% of Malaysians have not been paying thier “cleaning up” bills for the last 12 years. 22% directly converts to a 6.2 million toilet users in Malaysia. It’s quite a staggering amount. Imagine the crap that came out of them. It’s like crapping for a year but refusing to clean it up or pay someone to clean it up. Try 12 years. Come on! Clean up your own mess, ok? It’s written on the star online, that it only cost rm8 a month, 27 cents a day. Indah Water has come out with really desperate looking and sounding advertisement to encourage people to pay up. Doubt it will really work. Scenario 1, this is a TV ad I saw months back, a dude was late for his mamak time and has to explain that he went to pay his sewage bills. The weird part was, when everyone is enjoy their time eating and drinking, he continued talking about how cheap is Malaysian sewage cost and he went on and on. Funny enough, his friend can still eat and enjoy his little ’sewage’ talk. If it would be me, I would have punch him. One, for being late. Two, talking about something that doesn’t really interest me. Three, who talks about ’sewage’ over mamak time? Scenario 2, I overheard this radio advertisement, but I cannot recall when. What happened was, the little child ask her mum about who does their sewage and her mum started to explain how the sewage is manage, how effective it was and how lucky they are to have to pay so little to have such a service, bla-bla-bla…. My first question, can you find any kids nowadays asking about the sewage? By answering them, it’s like telling them Santa Claus doesn’t exist. Kids nowadays are living in a world that they thought by flushing their dead pet fish down the bowl, the dead fish will go to ‘heaven’, not some dirty and smelly pool of crap. Number 2, is there anyone on earth would spend 3 minutes of their time talking about sewage? Mad. My suggestion would be to stop all the sewer plant in M’sia from working and let it stink for a month or maybe a year. Until the people start to pay, I guess the whole M’sia have to suffer. Not only that, we can annoy southern Thailand and Singapore as well. We can even pay revenge to the Indonesian that burnt trees that causes haze in Kuala Lumpur. The smell of crap is worse than burning wood. For those people that paid their bills, sorry, I believe we have to take one for the team.
Two, fellow male, man, jantan, boy and dudes of Malaysia, please don’t call your wife ugly. You can make fun of your friend, girlfriend, fiance or ex-wife but not wife. You know why? This is why.
Thursday May 28, 2009
Calling your wife ugly may become offence
KOTA KINABALU: Calling your wife ugly to humiliate her may soon be considered an offence under proposed amendments to the Domestic Violence Act 1994.
The amendments will include a clause on emotional violence against women who are currently only protected against physical abuse.
Apparently, if the propose amendments to the Domestic Violence Act of 1994 passes, it will be an offence to call your wife ugly. You’ll be arrested without trail under ISA, be shot at the back of the head and your dismantled corpse will be hung upside down in front of the biggest female toilet in Malaysia. Of course not. This is crazy. What’s next? Breaking up with your girlfriend because you found out how she really looks like without all the make-up when you’re totally sober is going to be a death punishable act. Seriously, are you going to stop calling a woman in general, ugly just because the it’s a “crime”? We’re Malaysians, we don’t follow any rules of law, that’s how we roll. Basically, I’ve got this rule of attraction that I kinda invented. For me, when I’ve met someone, I would first introduce myself and start talking. After a while, I’ll get to know the person better, be it a male or female. If the person is really an asshole, automatically, my mind would label them as an ugly person, no matter how hot they look. This works on woman more cause I somehow expect woman is to be the nicer of the two gender. From the anecdote above, I’ve met some really ugly girls. I don’t judge them physically at first, more of attributively, then physically. If you have a really nasty personality and have a nastier look, I’m so sorry for you. Instead of protecting someone because they are labeled ‘ugly’, why not pay them or force them to undergo some attitude surgery to make them look better, right? I guess this kinda of law is another way to manipulate the little bubble that Malaysians live in. Say, if I would like to arrest someone that has no criminal record, whatsoever, I’ll just pay Aruna (someone in high school that pissed me off so much) to kiss him. He might accidentally spill out, “Gosh, you’re ugly!” There you go, locked up and electrocuted on his throne. My simple word of advice to woman and of course, this can be applied for all humans, be nice!
post – script : Maybe things just happens for a reason, won’t you agree?
Yours truly,
Hanjun
Yesterday, I got a moment to take a while to reflect on my weekend. Not bad, Chelsea won their another FA Cup. I guess, for me, it’s the news of my week. The next few weeks to come, I’m going to lock myself in the dungeon of assignments and if that is not enough, the only escape leads to an ocean of exams. Son-of-a-mushroom. Yesterday’s game was a consolation, basically after a luckless season coupled with some poor results. Well, at least, an FA Cup. It was pretty much a one sided team where Chelsea has been the stronger team on paper and on the sun baked pitch. It was so hot yesterday, in London, making me wondering should I hold on to the promise to my father, bringing him to watch an FA Cup final one day. Kathir’s father went once, at the Millennium Stadium, in Cardiff, Wales and the whole place was packed like a human sardine in a can. Guus left Chelsea on a high note as the beautiful game was the winner. Speaking of the beautiful game, Kathir used to say, that we’re ugly people playing the beautiful game. After having to replace them every time I shave in front of the mirror, I would totally agree with him.
Football. A simple word that meant something totally different in USA and Australia. Pathetic people keep on telling me, football is 22 guys running after a ball. Screw you. Number 1, if you’re an imbecile, you forgot to count in the referee, asshole. Number 2, as far as I know, some fat guys in kemuning Bayu Central Park that doesn’t even know what the hell is the ball, what makes you think they would be chasing after the ball? Number 3, watch a football game please and tell me, do you see 22 guys running after a ball. Come on, use your God given brain. In USA, they love basketball. Come on, what’s so fun about throwing a ball into a loop that cannot move. As long you have to be accurate and chances are high. Don’t let me get started on Aussie Rules, its basically grown-ass man running in circles. And if you still need to find some sports more ridiculous than soccer or anything, try Formula 1, Nascar or motoGP, maybe some automobile racing in general, all they do is race in circle. In one of Jeff Dunham’s act, its so clear, what can you expect from automobile racing? If you take a leak in the middle of the “so-called” sport, do you think you’ll miss anything? How about Malaysian’s favourite Durian eating competition? You figure that out yourself.
Soccer, is what they called it here. Oh, how much I love soccer. Its been a love affair for at least 9 years, as long as I know the “rejected boys”. We used to have some crazy time over soccer. Its soccer that made us know each other better. Lawrence was known for his “cover-up” style while kicking the ball where his hands were covering his chest as if he was boxing. Oh my gosh, that totally explained the missing link between his Thai Kick-boxing skills and his Siamese origin. Then, there was Khor Min Tze with his hilarious style of defending that made our soccer match a new comedy on Channel 7. Once, he (a defender, not a goalkeeper), instead of heading the ball out, he caught the ball with his bare hands as the ball deeps in from a diagonal cross. I was standing right behind him and got the shock of my 12 year old life. Yijien was as shocked as me when he questioned KMT about his ball catching act. KMT answered and I promised you I’m not making this up, he said and I quote, “The ball coming, so I catch lah.” I almost died of laughing too much but made it out of the game and pretty much still alive right now.
Parents love to involve kids in sports but most of the time, they end up in some sort of sour argument as some children would prefer to lock themselves in rooms and play grand theft auto. I love that game but in the meantime, I know a bit of sunshine won’t kill me. I wanted to pick up Badminton, so on the Extra-Curriculum day, I signed up in the Badminton Club but bailed on it last minute as my mum said the training takes place in somewhere a bit too far for her to pick me up. So, instead, I signed up for squash club as most of her friend’s children is in that club too, we can car-wait for it-pool. Car pool, the favorite word of a typical Malaysian housewife+mother on the first day of school. To make my mother’s life happier and mine more miserable, I’ve joined the squash club. Turns out, I’ve met Kishok and a few good people, like Mr. Ong (Our national player, Beng Hee’s father) and Max (His real name is Mark). Even my childhood friend, Hon Kitt is there and JT and kat too played squash. It was quite a journey. I mean, there are 7 really reasonable good players in Seafield High and every year, the State wide open tournament requires 4 players each team. As lucky as I am, I got into the team as they need an extra player for back-up. I know I can’t play and if I do play, I’ll surely end up making a fool of myself. I got paid, free food and got to miss class for 3 days as the team proceed to the semi-finals and got eliminated when JT got smacked by the racquet on the lips. After all that, we, which include a lousy player like me, got ranked as the 3rd best team in the state. Not bad, right? Generally, the moral support I’ve gave through out the game, towels I’ve brought to the players and the drinking water I supplied did manage to encourage the players. I hope.
post – script : Indochinese Monday.
She’s cold as the weather,
Hanjun.
